Truth

Someone recently said, “there are 2 sides to every story – his side, her side and the truth”.  Outsiders can believe what they’d like to believe, but truth is never something I’ve had an issue with.  Those that know me, know that I’m real, I’m honest, I’m wrong a lot and I make mistakes just like everyone else.  The difference in someone with character is they have no problem admitting their faults, attempting to right the wrong and trying their hardest even when they are tired.

Some truths about me are below: 

-I lost my confidence for quite a few years during the past decade

-I became someone who I didn’t like in the mirror

-I was co-dependent and didn’t realize it

-I lost great friendships due to changes I made to attempt to make him happy

-I made a fool of myself trying to “keep track” of where he was and what he was doing

-I was not kind, gentle and loving – I became cruel, disrespectful and cold

-I started wanting to hurt him as much as he had hurt me

-I was surrounded by people and things I didn’t approve of, but I didn’t do anything about it.

-I had to make decisions that affected 4 lives and that was a lot to take on.

-I would yell and was angry all the time.

Though these are just a few of the terrible behaviors I expressed over the years, I can admit there were so many more.

I have lots of new interest in my blog recently and I have nothing to hide. I don’t have an ego and I don’t have an agenda other than healing for me and help for others in the same situation.

Just as I am completely different now, I assume and hope my ex too. Everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them better, respects everything about them and has the same interests.  

I truly wish the best for my ex. I do not agree with some decisions they are making and will have to deal with that the best I can.  Our girls will always be my priority and I pray every day that they also have a strong sense of self so they never portray something they are not. Truth is important and it always will be.  

Behind closed doors

Today I’m reminded about the importance of being who you are in public and in private.  There are too many women/men that endure heartache and abuse and even those closest to them do not know.

In 2007, I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter and was put in the hospital by my ex.  I drove myself there with my 4-year-old daughter and lied to protect him.  I didn’t call the cops, I told the doctor I fell.  In reality I had had a beer can thrown at my face so hard that it gashed my eyebrow open.   I received stitches and drove myself and our daughter home.  There were no apologies and I’m sure I thought in some way this was my fault. That weekend, his entire family was in town and everyone, including me, pretended nothing happened.

There are so many people that endure this type of behavior and as crazy or dumb as it sounds, no one knows.  Please remember there is a better life out there.  People that are good people do not treat someone they love this way.  If you hear of a loved one having endured this and you wonder why they weren’t smarter… please remember there are people out there that believe or see the best in others and they aren’t dumb, they’ve just lost their confidence and worth at the hands and words of an abuser.

I am so glad to have made the choices I’ve made.  I have found someone that loves like I’ve never known before.  There’s no anger and definitely no abuse.  There is kindness, generosity, fun and laughter. I am grateful to have had the experiences I have had because I have 2 beautiful girls.  I am so excited to show them what to expect in their relationships.  I want them to know their worth and experience someone that truly loves them through everything, but until then, I will be building their confidence, and helping them create standards for what to expect!