An Open letter to my abusive ex… YOU WIN!


Dear Ex:

We just recently completed a few sessions of joint counseling to put our amazing girls first and it was nothing short of a disaster.  We have been divorced now for 1 1/2 years and it is clear to me now that your anger will most likely never go away regardless of what it does to you or how it affects our babies.  I have accepted this, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I loved you and supported you for who I knew you could be.  I believed in you.  I knew you were better than the company you work for who doesn’t appreciate your dedication, I knew you were fighting demons from long before you met me and your addictions were self medication, I knew there were issues of abuse throughout your family and I accepted you anyway, I knew you had a big heart for others and always knew you would see mine someday.  I know you are a good guy and you have lots of potential, but you are going to allow your ego, your pride and your demons to take over our lives and the damage will be irreplaceable.

When I chose to file for divorce and finally put an end to our tumultuous marriage, I just wanted us to work together, for you to be present and sober in our girls’ lives and for both of us to be happier.  It is clear that none of these have occurred. You have managed to continue the turmoil and, in fact, make it worse. It is abundantly clear that you are not happy and you are still vaguely present with our girls.  So my conclusion to this is… YOU WIN!

You win the ability to continue to think your abusive behaviors affect my life.  You win the lack of respect that is coming your way when our girls grow up and realize who you truly are and what you’ve allowed yourself to become.  You win a new wife who is exactly like you and will never leave you no matter how you treat her, she will continue to enjoy interfering and her unhappiness and mistrust in you will create additional issues for all involved.   You win bonus children that have been raised in ways you and I would have never allowed – and all that comes with that.  You win the deceits you so adamantly claim are truths and the right to live a lie forever.  You win the drug dispute just as you have over the past 18 years.  You win the ability to not reach your full potential while surrounding yourself with no one that will challenge you.  You win a new set of friends that only know you as you are now.  You win your image and all that you have done to disguise it.  You win the exact life you had hoped for.

I just have one question and I’ll leave you to live that life to the fullest… IF you were so miserable with me and IF you have everything you ever wanted now, why continue the anger?  Why have any issues toward me at all?  I have done everything you have requested and I have given up on all of those expectations and dreams I had for you.  Prior to our sessions, I was still holding onto the thought that you could still pull through for our girls’ sake.  I will never put those expectations out there again.  I give up and while years may diminish the anger and animosity to allow our girls some peace, I’m not holding my breath.

I would like to Thank You for this weight that is now lifted off my shoulders.  Never before have I felt such harmony in my life and the ability to move forward without disappointment.  Things always happen for a reason and I can focus on what’s truly important.  You may have won this battle, but you didn’t gain anything from winning.  I can live with that.



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