There are a few revelations I’ve come to realize over the past month. Our little people are dealing with very BIG emotions and sometimes we just pile on more.
We are the adults and if we don’t have it together, how on earth can we expect them to? Do we allow our kids to be kids or are we dragging them into adulthood and adult issues when their young minds are clearly not developed enough to handle it? I’m going to start some research, but I’m willing to bet that roughly 80% of children of divorce have dealt with “adult issues” and I’m going to also be willing to bet that 60% of those children’s involvement in those issues is due to the women in their lives (step and bio).
That’s a bold statement since that puts me into the category. But let’s face it, men are simple. They can usually move past things much quicker than we can (maybe with a little less maturity, but definitely more calm). For some reason, the ladies are the ones that cannot figure it out. The jealousies, insecurities, the outright disrespect is present and for what? What good is that doing anyone? I firmly believe that if we could get over ourselves enough to see the simplicity that would evolve, the kids that would flourish and the time, energy and money that could be saved, it would blow our minds.
Biomoms accepting another woman in our child’s lives and appreciating her love and support when we aren’t there. Advocating for that stepmom and the loving, giving efforts she has daily.
Stepmoms accepting the biomoms role and supporting (even when they don’t agree) her parenting style. Advocating for that biomom and the loving, giving efforts she has daily.
Collaboration of all parents to do what is truly best for the kids. This means being in the same place, reducing tension and showing unity.
We are seeing an increase in anxiety in our kids today… the suicide rate has more than tripled in teens in the last decade. WE HAVE CREATED THIS! Life is busy and relationships are hard, BUT nothing is worth your child’s happiness. nothing is worth a life that could have a much bigger purpose.
Here are some things that I vow to do just to ensure my little ones are NOT part of these statistics:
I’m going to put my phone down and BE PRESENT.
I’m going to allow them an open platform to speak freely about whatever they would like and know they won’t get in trouble.
I’m going to work harder to make amends with their father and his wife to bridge the gap that is unnecessary.
I’m going to allow them to be kids… they don’t need to be part of ANY adult issues.
I’m going to have healthy boundaries so my kids have structure but are also allowed to make their own choices and mistakes.
They are going to put their phones down and BE PRESENT.
They are going to have hobbies and goals and dreams.
When I look back in the years to come I want to be known for sharing my calm, not adding to their chaos. If we all strive for that, we might see a transitional change with a decrease in anxiety in youth and teens and an overall shift in the stability and strength of a child of divorce.